I am having a hard time focusing on my practice at the moment.
I am spreading my energy between touring, admin, fundings apps (always!), marketing, earning m o n e y.
I realised often I feel as if I was in a competition. Who does better, who brings more audience, who sells more tickets, more likes, more interviews, more. And when I loose my confidence, when success is measured from the outside.. well, that's when I feel endangered. And I shrink inside myself and I disappear inside a hole. And I give away/up (my) space.
This happens when I lose focus.
When I forget the WHY.
The transcendance of our art form, the essence of my work: the craft, the research on the matter dance, dance, the creation.
I had a close look at my 'Creative DNA' (Twyla Tharp). And that is exactly what I forget when I transform into a mouse. That it is all about the creative act.
At least.. for me.
Yes, I completely relate, and it can be exhausting! There is so much in the external world experience that pushes us to do more and to be more. Is it ever enough? The answer always returns as, 'no'. There will always be the next promotion post and the next grant to write. The next creation to manifests from our imaginings.
RépondreSupprimerArt, I believe is an external manifestation of an internal act, in this case, creativity and the making or deriving of something from scratch. It is so innate to us, so much a part of us as artists, that the world will take and consume with little thought to how much a part of us they take in the process.
I love how you turn back to the 'Why' in your creativity, often the answer starts with the 'because' answer we gave as a child.
'Why do you want to dance/ create child?'"
"Because..."
We share so much creatively with barely a thought to ourselves; we make it easy for them.