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The liberating act of surrendering to not knowing

 


I grew up in a very big family of Italian immigrants in the North East of France. Family reunions were loud, cheerful. We would sit at the table for hours, eating, singing. My grand father would play mandoline and sing the same songs over and over again. But the loudness. And you HAD to be louder, quicker, more alert than you relatives to survive in this group of people! I believe this shaped my learning style. 

No time to think or to overthink. In a family who had to re learn a language, a culture, there was no time for taking the time. Action was their salvation, their pride. My mum and her 8 brothers and sisters would all have careers in jobs where their "hands" were needed. My dad and his 2 relatives, the same. Although there was a tendency for the imagination, the poetic (the mandoline played a role in that). My dad studied Fine Arts and my his brother is a guitarist. They both taught, drawing and music. 

The least you would have to speak, the better. It amuses me realizing this today, having chosen the path I have chosen. 

*************

I am currently reading "The Intuitive Practitioner". As I got the book in my hands and read the subtitle, I quivered with joy "on the value of not always knowing what one is doing". 

As I am reading the book, I can't help but mentally replace each "learning" by "creating". 

This is what I wrote about a year ago as I was creating my latest piece: 


"I allow myself to shout out that I do not know.

Ignorance is a big part of the creative process.

Probably my favourite part. To be fully and

honestly unsure allows me to be sure.

I relish not knowing, it tells me that I am in the right.

And then, I’ll know when I know.

This exhilarating sensation of magic happening,

of discovery."


I want to cultivate this.

Are words not enough? Are words tricking us? Am I then right to not want to talk about the work, the practice? But how do you lead then? How to get words on our side? 

"Are there times and/or stages in learning when one can think too much, or when explicit instruction can get in the way of learning? What are the pros and cons of becoming "self-conscious"?" (1)

* replace learning for creating * 

"Appresentation is the manner in which a part of something that is perceived as an external experience can stimulate a much more complete or richer internal experience of the ‘whole’ of that thing to be conjured up."(2)

I am still digging concepts and notions of intuition and instinct. 

I have submitted my first AOL draft and it is about words and thoughts, and instincts. But words and thoughts as a bridge to action. Yesterday's session about writing resonated a lot with what I had written down.


(1) The Intuitive Practitioner, on the value of not always knowing what one is doing, Terry Atkinson, Guy Claxton, Open University Press

(2) A Handbook of Reflectiveand Experiential Learning, Theory and Practice, Jennifer A. Moon, Routledgefarmer



My latest piece, probably one of the most instinctive process I went through. 
Starving Dingoes




Commentaires

  1. Hello Lea!
    first of all: thank you for your writing style!!
    it reminds me that poetic texts are also reflecting texts, and it is very refreshing to read them.

    not knowing
    is the best starting place
    for
    learning
    creating
    development
    healing

    because when you dont know you have to listen
    in the moment
    in the here and now
    to your material
    to your body
    to your thinking
    to your movements

    change can only happen in the here and now
    reflection is always on the past or the future
    change can only happen in the here and now

    sensation is always in the here and now
    intuition is making decissions from sensations

    inventing language
    by finding poetic words for sensations
    is a bridge
    between sensation and reflection
    between the here and now and past patterns and future ideas


    thank you for inspiring me, Lea
    I will post hsi also on my blog

    Dieter

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  2. Thanks Lea for this perspective. I also loved when we were chatting on zoom and you were referencing the various ways we write, from grant writing to programs (within a company), and I really resonate with that feeling of having to draw upon buzzwords to establish funding rather than perhaps a more authentic articulation of the work. Thank you for this perspective!

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  3. This also reminds me of what you said in a session about words and language being a privilege, or maybe more reading and writing as a privilege. You make me think about my own work with neurodiversity where it can be very good to put words to things, but if we would over prescribe something with words it can become confusing. And of course on top of that that for someone who struggles with words, it can be so frustrating to reduce the depth of their embodied experience into language.

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  4. I love this post Lea, I feel that there is so much about the 'not knowing' that we can learn from. I really resonated with this idea of sometimes thinking too much. I feel this sometimes happening within my practice. The most magical moments seem to happen when conscious thought is no longer needed, and you are at one with your art form.

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  5. Hey Lea. It is a beautiful post. I like how you organize the memories, poetics and theory all in one piece of text.

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